My daughter’s school choir wasn’t behaving well, and their teacher wasn’t happy…

“You lot are a disgrace, ”he complained. “You only behave properly when there are visitors here. I went to another school last week and you should have seen those children. Well-behaved, polite and a pleasure to be around… not like you rabble. Why can’t you be like that?”

There was silence in the room, until one young girl, aged seven, had the courage to raise her hand. “Yes? ”said the teacher, more than a little irritated. “But sir, ”she protested, “you were the visitor!”

The seven-year-old had identified what millions of adults fail to grasp, that the grass only seems greener on the other side of the fence. When you get to look at it properly, more often than not it’s just a brown and weed-ridden, as you perceive your field to be.

Most people are keen to create a positive impression. That means they tend to emphasise the positive and hide or suppress the negative when presenting themselves and their lives to others. As an outsider, you rarely get a realistic impression. You’re not going to get a true picture of their school and you’re not going to get a true picture of their life either.

It’s very tempting to look at someone else’s life, business, job or relationship with envy. From the outside it can look more fulfilling, simple, lucrative or whatever it is that you feel yours isn’t. But you must always bear in mind that as a ‘visitor’, you can’t possibly see the full picture. That can only come when you get inside, and stay there for some time – when you get beneath the beautifully presented veneer surface.

People who neglect what’s underneath this veneer often spend their lives being seduced by the surface only to be disappointed by the harsh reality beneath. And what’s worse is, they repeat the same cycle over and over.

The key is to understand that, in most situations, you’re the ‘visitor’, and to treat what you hear, see and experience accordingly. This doesn’t mean replacing open-mindedness with cynicism, but it does mean abandoning the rose-tinted specs. Equally important is the necessity to fairly evaluate and appreciate what you already have. It’s a shame if you have to go to the trouble of clambering over the fence, before you can appreciate how green your own grass really is. And sometimes, the climb back over, is less than straightforward.

Kind Regards

John Harrison  

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